I am human. 

Anonymous asked: I find myself conflicted. I've identified as straight my entire life, and even have had a fwb relationship on and off for the past year with a guy. However, I find myself attracted to women from time to time. Like at parties, or around town, I'll see a woman and find myself increasingly attracted to her. I can't imagine myself being in a relationship with a woman, though. I might be able to consider having sex with a woman, in fact I've felt turned on by women before, but I don't think I could carry on an actual relationship. And I don't feel like these are alcohol induced attractions, or even just a passing, "wow, she looks great." I know I can't ask anyone if I'm bisexual, it's really something I need to discover for myself, but I'd really like an opinion on the matter, I guess.

If you can’t see yourself falling in love with a woman or having a real relationship with a woman, it’s unlikely that you’re bisexual. Bicurious, maybe, but bisexuality generally implies romantic as well as sexual attraction. Plenty of straight girls also find girls attractive from time to time. Experimenting is all part of growing up, and it doesn’t have to make you reconsider who you are. I hope that helps! 

d00mcupcake asked: This is a kind of weird question.. but how do you know if your a lesbian\or just bisexual. Recently I started liking guys more and then it changes to girls.
WTF?

Sounds like you’re not ready to put a label on it just yet, which is totally okay - there’s no rush. Eventually, you’ll meet people, fall in love and realize what you’re into, and at some point, if you’re the label-seeking type, you’ll just know which suits you. But remember, labels aren’t important as long as you do what makes you happy! Hope that helps! 

Anonymous asked: I need advice. I'm like 99% sure I'm a lesbian. But something is kind of stopping me from telling people. It's actually kind of a stupid question. So I've liked guys before. Like I've had a boyfriend, and I had a thing with another guy and we kissed and stuff like that. And I liked it. I've always had crushes on male celebrities in bands and obsessed over them like in middle school. But I used to like my best friend, and we almost kissed a few times, and I held her hand and we did stuff like that, but it never got to the point where we dated. I've had crushes on other girls as well. But I had fantasies about the girls WAY more than I did with the guys I liked. But I still cared and had feelings for them. But now, two years after the best friend, and one year after the boy, I feel like I don't like guys AT ALL. Like I never look at them like I do girls. Girls make me feel butterflies and guys make me angry. And nothing bad has ever happened to me because of guys. Maybe I just realized I hate how they act? I don't know. And It's making me feel like I'm not truly gay because I used to like guys A LOT. But now I feel like I never want to have sex with them, only women. I need to know why. Maybe there isn't an explanation. But if I had one, I'd feel more comfortable telling people I was gay. I'm pretty sure I'm not bi. I used to think I was but I didn't feel the need to come out, unless I had a girlfriend. But now I don't even WANT a boyfriend. Ever. I'm confused.

A lot of lesbian women had boyfriends or liked guys previously. Sometimes it takes a while to figure out who you really are, even at this stage and even when you’ve dated or had physical relationships with both sexes. If you feel like you’re a lesbian, you’re a lesbian. The past doesn’t have to matter - it’s all about how you feel now. Remember, though, that labels aren’t everything. Even lesbians get crushes on guys, and they are still lesbians. If you’re uncomfortable not knowing what category you fit into, use the label that you truly feel fits you the best, even if your past doesn’t line up with it. I hope that helps! 

Anonymous asked: It's it strange that I'm uncomfortable with being called bi? My boyfriend has decided to label me that because I enjoy other women sexually. I'm not attracted to them in the relationship sense though and would never date a woman. For that reason, I feel as if it's unfair to label myself as a part of the LGBT community because I don't experience the same struggles as someone who wants to date someone of the same gender. Thoughts?

It’s not strange, but it doesn’t have to do with struggles. If you don’t identify as bi, that’s okay. Plenty of straight girls find women attractive and still consider themselves straight. However, the label of gay, bi, lesbian or whatever else does not come from identifying with the community based on mutual struggles. It’s about mutual emotional growth, similar mental processes and the common understanding of what everyone’s going through, even though every experience is different. You don’t necessarily have to struggle to be a part of it. So in short, nope, it’s not strange. If you don’t feel bi, you’re not bi. Hope that helps! 

0bscenities asked: I'm 15, & I think I might be a lesbian, but I can't be, because I like this guy, right? Any other time, I'm not thinking about guys whatsoever. I just don't know what to think. My parents know I'm bisexual, and it's great that they're for it. Not so many people are that understanding... I'm one hundred percent okay with myself being a lesbian, too. I'm not sure at all if I am though... I'm pretty sure you can't tell me if I am or not, because that's something I have to find within myself, but is there any way, any big clues, to where I can ever figure out what my sexuality is? Thanks so much for your time, I love your blog!

Thanks for the kind words! You’re right - I can’t tell you what you are, since that’s something only you can know. But a big clue is whether you can see a future romantic and sexual relationship with this guy. If you could see yourself committing to him or another guy, that’s a clue that you’re closer to bi than lesbian. At the same time, it’s quite normal to be a lesbian and get a crush on an attractive guy - there are degrees of gay, after all. Above all, don’t fret about labels. Do what makes you happy! Thanks for reading. :) 

Anonymous asked: Hey. I am in a tricky situation. I think I might be bisexual, but I am not sure. I have never had a girlfriend, nor have I crushed on a girl, but I do feel attracted. My question is to anyone who feels like answering, how can I know? How can I know if it's just bicuriousity, just a phase or if I am actually bisexual?

Time will tell. Lots of people feel like they need to have a crush on a girl (or boy) before they can truly know they’re bi. If your feelings are only physical and you can’t see yourself in a romantic relationship with a girl, it might just be bicuriosity. However, there’s no reason to rule out bisexuality. Give it time and a girl might come along who helps you figure it out. Hope that helps! 

Anonymous asked: Hmm. I could say I have a bit of a dilemma. An identity crisis, no doubt. I'm not sure if there's been common "problems" like this on advice blogs or whatever.. but here's my situation. I think I've been a pretty sexual kid. I believe, and can confidently say, I was sexually aware at age 6. Now that I look back on it and I can fully see it all, I can say that I have "always been gay" -the signs were there, and the things I did and the thoughts I somehow remember even until now all point to it. I'm not sure if I'm bisexual or not. I've always been turned on by gay porn, and I've identified more closely to being a lesbian since there are no male figures in my life that I am interested in at all, but I still find some males.. usually celebrities, or just people on here actually, very attractive. in the circumstances I dream of, I'm the "guy", and I'm on top. When it comes to my dressing habits, I choose guy's clothes, which doesn't mean I dress like a guy; but I'm fine with wearing a dress if I absolutely have to. I know you're probably not comfortable with labelling people that approach your ask box, but I really just want to know what your opinion is of what label I could possibly satisfy.. I'm thinking right now that any idea is better than none at all. Thanks!

You’re right that I’m not a huge fan of labeling - especially because it sounds like you haven’t figured out your precise place just yet (and there’s nothing wrong with that). Clothing, sexual roles and that sort of thing don’t have to play important parts in your identity. If you could see yourself enjoying sex with men or women and if you could see yourself falling love with a man or a woman, then bi might be the place for you. If you’re pretty exclusively drawn to women but you find some guys attractive, but couldn’t see yourself in a relationship with one, you can still fit into the lesbian category. You don’t have to find the opposite sex repulsive to be gay. There’s always room for flexibility, which is why labels are never as important as they seem. I hope that helps! 

Anonymous asked: I've always thought I've been gay, but the problem is I find it hard to rule out falling for a guy. Last night I went clubbing and kissed a guy and felt nothing, I even kind of wish he was a girl whilst I did it. I'm finding it hard to come to terms with being a lesbian even through my past relationships have been with girls. I am 17, nearly 18, and I don't know what to do.

Take your time. You’ve still got plenty of it. There’s nothing limiting you to having relationships (romantic or sexual) with only girls, so if you feel like dating (or hooking up with) a dude, date (or hook up with) a dude. There’s no rush on figuring this out, and it’s totally normal to still be questioning. Eventually, you’ll just know. Thanks for reading! 

Anonymous asked: I think I really like my best friend. But I don't really know if it's real. I don't think she likes me back, but how would I ever know? It almost feels weird admitting it. I don't think I could ever come out, because how do i really know if i'm gay? And if she ever found out, I think she would see me as a different person. Iv'e thought about it for what seems like forever. If she ever found out, I don't think things would be the same as they are now. PLEASE HELP. I'm incredibly confused. And unhappy the way things are going in my life right now. I need advice.

You have absolutely no requirement to tell her. However, if she’s your best friend, she’d probably be okay with it and still see you the same way. I figured out I liked girls when I started crushing on my best friend. Eventually I came out to her, which she was fine with, and a little while after I got over her, I told her the truth. She had no problem with it, and now we laugh about it. She’s your best friend for a reason - because she cares about you unconditionally. That said, if you still think it would be weird, you have no obligation to tell her. You’ll get over her eventually, just like with anyone else. Further, one same-sex crush doesn’t necessarily make you gay. You have plenty of time to figure this out, so don’t stress over labels. You don’t have to come out as anything until you’re ready, and until then, do what makes you happy. Good luck with everything! 

Anonymous asked: Hi, so uhm. I always knew i was attracted to girls and guys so i labeled myself as bisexual and then i dont know.. I just felt like it didn't define me because there was more to it. And then i realized i was also attracted to trans* people also, and i stumbled across the term polysexual, but im not sure it's me. And I always thought I knew who I was. But I guess I don't, and it scares me knowing that I dont know

It’s okay not to know - you’ve got plenty of time for that - and it’s okay to be pansexual or polysexual too. It seems as though you know who you are, meaning you know what you like, which is a very good thing. How to label it is way less important. :)